The Sad Tale of a County Cricketer

I don't normally post "news stories", but I couldn't resist this one.

Richard Green played a handful of matches for Lancashire, was a right-hand medium fast bowler, made his county debut with Andrew Flintoff, no less, and was a recipient of the Denis Compton Award. Your normal county cricketer, one would think. Till the Net made him a Superstar.

He dabbled in property maintenance, and even set up a now defunct website. However, he decided on a rather unusual way to get traffic to his website. To cut a long story short, he announced that if his site got 5 Million hits, his girlfriend would allow him to do a threesome. He even announced it on his blog, with photo of him and grinning girlfriend. The LSE puts it better than I ever can.

And it came to pass that the site got 5 Million Hits. Wonderful, which meant that the promised threesome happenned, with an "exotic dancer" called Holly, no less.

But, alas, what happenned next? Cricketer gets jealous of girlfriend, girlfriend turns to exotic dancer called Holly for solace during this "difficult patch", and then, guess what, girlfriend and exotic dancer called Holly are suddenly seeing other!! Ah, the joys of young love....

News of the World also has a touching piece on this.

Fraudian Slip

I was speaking with someone the other day, and the topic somehow veered around to books. I dropped the usual hints about how well read I was, and then did a mental checklist, to remind myself of my vast erudition.

For those who came in late, I'm, as far as books go, a complete stud. I own books by authors ranging from the surprsingly Italian Wu Ming Clan, to the Trinididian Marxist historian C. L. R. James, from the Must-Own Vladimir Nabokov to the Own-It-Or-You're-A-Loser Tom Wolfe. One day, I promise myself, I'll even read them.

So, getting back to my vast erudition, I try and figure out how many "Classics of English Literature" I've read. In the original, of course. And get the answer pretty fast.

Disclaimers: This is only "English", as in Tea and Crumpets, With a Little Milk, Thank You, literature, and not American/ Indian/anything outside the British Isles. This excludes anything written before 1900. And this, obviously, only includes books read in the original text.

Back to the point. 4 Books. Four. The number between Three and Five. Listed out below:-

• Wuthering Heights, forced down my throat by the ISC Board
• Far From the Madding Crowd, mom's library
• The Mayor of Casterbridge, see above
• David Copperfield (and maybe even Nicholas Nickleby)

Shocked? Don't be. Most of my reading in my formative years revolved around these cute pocket sized titles which went by the name "Jaico Abridged Classics" or something. Really nice books, especially for a 7 year old. They cut through the clutter, and tell you in about 280 pocket-sized large font pages what the book is all about. In case you're a dumbfuck, they also have a large picture on each page so that you know what is happening. Engrossing stuff.

I'm a little better when it comes to Shakespeare, though. I've read two of his plays, Julius Caesar and Twelfth Night being prescribed texts for the ICSE and ISC exams.

What about the rest? Ah. Comics. All of Shakespeare's plays, I've read all of them in comic book form. Highly reccomended, especially if you're an 8-year old kid. I can still quote extensively from Macbeth, Hamlet, The Merchant of Venice and the rest. (Incidentally, another excellent source of Shakespeare quotes is PG Wodehouse).

I am still wondering whether I am now a symbol of our appaling cultural degeneracy, or just a really lazy reader who took a short cut to bibliophilia. Maybe it's a sign of the times anyway. As Shakespeare should have said, "All the perfumes of Araby cant hide......"